Wendy Wu

An Old Chinese-British Man in Pink

Wendy Wu

I attended one of my best friends’ wedding in Cambridge this weekend.

During our kitchen small-talk, she complained her husband was a bad dresser, and this prompted me to ask the groom whether he felt himself Chinese rather than British. “Chinese British”, he said. However, from his body language and reserved way of not showing feelings, I sensed that he is more Chinese. As his wife’s best friend, he had never hugged me or shook my hands. He came to the UK at the age of 10, what nurtured his behaviour? Family influences played a big role here? I wondered.

But if looking into the way he dressed himself in the wedding, it is quite interesting. He deliberately didn’t wear tie so it ended up that the male witness looked slightly “smarter” somehow. However, the colour of the suit he wore was different with the male witness. Even though a wedding without a smart tie fits in well with the bride’s dress, the cosy and unpretentious occasion, wedding is two person’s thing which definitely tells from his natural and quite smart dress.

Coincidentally almost strangely, on my way back to Cambridge train station, I received a phone call from an old Chinese man I met at BBC Chinese in Britain history series preview day. He had been living in England for more than 40 years. He rang me just to meet up, and we agreed to meet at the gate of Bayswater tub station, he added: “I will be in a pink shirt so that you can recognise me right away.” Pink shirt?

Sunday afternoon I rushed out to the Bayswater tube station. He was already there, seemingly frail little Chinese figure, standing on the opposite of the main entrance, awaiting my arrival. He wore a pink shirt! He reached his arms and shook hands with me, before giving me a big hug. I wasn’t expecting that. The old man clearly shaved, and in an English gentlemen style led the way to Starbucks. Inside the pink shirt was he wearing a Chinese style- rounded neck T-Shirt which is called “Lao Ren Tou (Literately: Old Men’s Head). I remembered that my father used to wear this all the time.

I tried to figure out why he wanted to see me. Talk to a young Chinese who is from mainland China speaking English well enough? To do something different ? As he said to make every day different in old age. To make himself feel young?

I asked him: “where do you think is your home, England or China?” He said: “England, if I may say so. I have received my higher education here, and made a fortune by grasping a good business opportunity here, I paid my hard work here, and I settled my family here.” “China is my father, my fore father’s land, where I also feel proud of.” He paused for a second, “Consider myself Chinese first, see, I am Chinese British. Nowadays, kids are not good, don’t speak Mandarin, my son’s girl friend is English. … “He signed deeply and frowned his eyebrows, his small eyes looked even smaller:” but what can I do, based on English custom, kids are grown up in this country, I want to but can’t interfere, I only have one boy and really want a Chinese daughter in law. I just try to discourage him. What else can I do? “

He repeated: “Wendy, remember, Chinese first, when people ask you, always say Chinese British, see, Chinese comes first. “

Chinese British! Interesting!

The groom used the same phrase. But I felt deep down; the groom’s tone falls down at “British”. Certainly his low key wedding only involving 4 people (including bride and groom) is not our Chinese way although he attempted to show off his Cantonese. He was swinging between Chinese and British, I felt.

At the end of the conversation, he asked me if he can call me again for a chat. And he was so cautious of asking that. Definitely I don’t think the man has any bad intention or such but to find a good young listener who actually can hear his soul of missing homeland. Nothing wrong with that. But I wonder why he felt so guilty of taking up my time. This might be a small secret for an old Chinese men looking out for a glance of dust with a sunflower. However, Chinese men must reserve their emotions and feelings in a hidden and soft place?

He sipped a drop of coffee as if he were taking Chinese tea. And then he looked back in his memory and said: “life is so boring in Buckinghamshire, so quiet and boring, nothing happening.” Well, in my home city Wuhan, the old people would get together to play mahjong, taiji, dancing, feeding birds, gossiping things and maybe walking together with their grandchildren. I can see what is missing in his heart.

When I saw him off at the Bayswater tube station, I looked at his slightly bended back with a clumsy, slow move back figures in the sunset, what a beautiful complementary image. I would remember what he said: “Chinese comes first, also tell people, I am Chinese British…” The phrase of “Chinese British” has been given to the same question; however, it has so different meanings. I am not sure how does this apply to any others.

However, all of sudden, I thought of a statement that came from a conversation with a British friend: “Actually I don’t think Chinese men know how to dress themselves in a sexy way.”

I have no intention to argue this point with you. Maybe in your mind, the image of Chinese men is still sitting on the opium den in cheongsam with no smile at all. What is in your mind might be a museum piece which needs to be replaced by the figure of An Old Chinese-British Man in Pink?

Copyrigh 2007 All rights reserved by Wendy Wu (June 2007@ Queensway London)

Posted on August 3rd, 2008 by wendywu
Filed under: Cross Cultural Gossip